Saturday, 17 September 2011

All change (again !!) here at PC xx



remember this is my baby!! looks at his arms!!

 This is an odd, mixed up post but I want to get up to date with the things that have been happening around Poppy Cottage.  I haven't managed to upload the photos in the order I really wanted to get them.

Jasper has been helping me to cover in a bit of a leanto that a friend built for me.  Polycarbonate has gone on the flat bit and today he has put on slates on the 'roof' bit.  I am so chuffed with how it looks, little bit more to do then I can have a dry place to sit out the front of my cottage (no more listening to very loud voice of neighbour who has a voice like a fog horn!! - when I sit out the back)  I look at these photos and want to know where my little boy has gone, someone has replaced him with a young man with muscles!!

But the most important bit that has happened her over the last week is this.......

 Jose has moved to LONDON!!!
She seems so happy and I am so proud.  It feels odd.  I don't really want to put on here what I am feeling as I don't really know to be honest.  I have Jasper, Smudge and Whinnie here so I can't say that my house is quiet, far from it, it is a mess and with Whinnie being 16 weeks old, all she seems to do is play ALL the time.
But....... the house just feels so empty, I stand in the door way of her room and realise that it is for real, it has come around so fast, my little girl has grown and she has started her journey through life.
She has the passion and drive to do what ever she wants to do in life, she'll do it.  I KNOW she appreciates not only the financial cost but what it is costing to ensure that she can follow this dream, and I have to say I would have sold my soul to be able to give her this opportunity.  I know she will make her Dad and I so proud (we are both very proud of her already, I know I am)
But the thing I am going to miss the most.....is her eyes, her beautiful eyes looking at me, hey, I am allowed to be sentimental!!

I love you Jose xx

other things that have been going on in my little life....

Catching a perfect memory through my Mum and Dad's kitchen window,

A weekend spent with my sister in Cornwall, she was at work in the day but we still had the evenings together,

A wrong turn that lifted my soul, my most special memory of my marriage to Mike was standing in the gate way of a wind farm, the sound of the blades turning, was I have to say for me one of the most amazing moments (not children or pet related) the power, the sound but also the silence.  I would happily live within the close proximity of a wind farm.  So when I left Tracie's and went to wrong way I took time to walk through the farm, closing my eyes and just hearing the sound, magical.

And my girl got attacked by something.  Much better now but she has yet another sore area come up.  She suffers from 'wet excema (? can't spell it today!!)' and is on Antibiotics but I was just saying to a friend tonight that if I still lived on the Small holding I would spray it with purple spray (used for sheep's feet), I will run this past my friend who is a vet, and just see if there was a different type of the same sort of spray, a more discreet version, not bright purple, I can just imagine the looks we'll get!! 


So tomorrow I wake up to the first Birthday in 17 years without my daughter with me, I'll be 39.  I can't believe that the years have flown by so fast.  I know that I am so lucky with how my life and my children have turned out but just sometimes I would give anything in the world to turn back the clock to the year when I had two little children age 5 and 4 and do so many things different, spend so much more time playing with them, less time worrying I hadn't done house work, dinner, washing, cleaned the fridge (I have a love hate relationship with my fridge even now!!) I wish we had just cuddled, read more just done more 'stuff'.

The one I think I did right was always tell them that I loved them, and I was so proud of them, I think that that is something both Josie and Jasper are in no doubt.

Live your life Jose the way you want to, soak up the buzz of London, shine in all you do because your Mum believes in you xx

8 comments:

  1. Make me cry why don't you!!! I hear you loud and clear - its a very strange time and the letting go is one of the hardest things you have to do as a mummy. I have a hankering for a Loggia (the thing that you have just built) Enjoy a glass or 2 in it. xxxx

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  2. I felt the same when my son left home - where did all those years go? It is a huge change in all your lives but its just the next exciting stage to look forward to. Saying that though its still hard when you go onto their empty rooms. I know i cried loads! Xxxxx

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  3. Happy Birthday Colette! Has anyone told you how proud they are of you as a mum? You've done an amazing thing, bringing up two great kids.

    I know what you mean about time disappearing. But at least you do have many more meaningful years to share with them yet. xx

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  4. oohh I hope you feel better soon, it feels like you have lost a limb when your kiddies leave you doesn't it :-( I hope your dog is better soon too. A big happy birthday to you. x Ooh and if you want to move the order of photos just right click on them when uploaded into blogger and cut and then paste where you want it to be (Ctrl V). x

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  5. There's never enough time to feel like we've done everything we could do. We should aim to be good enough parents rather than looking at the things we don't do. You've equipped her to spread her wings and follow her dream- sounds to me like you've been more than a good enough mum - well done!

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  6. So many thoughts for you after reading this post. First of all, Happy Birthday. At 39, you have accomplished so much and have so many more years to go! You should stop and marvel at the great children you have brought into the world. It is by your example and with your love that they turned out so well.... and these days, that is no small feat! I too have girls that have grown into amazing women with their own plans for their future and their drives to accomplish the small goals as they travel towards that life; I too pine for the days when they were so small and nothing really interrupted the "home" life except for the tasks, errands and exhaustion that goes with being a stay at home mum. Why didn't somebody warn us that the fridge could be a bit messy and that we should keep reading "Just one more book PLEEEZZZ"?
    Whenever I see young mums with their toddlers, I am so envious and wish for the time travel you mention... to go back and snuggle them more, be creative and play more, and just sit and gaze at the miracle of youngsters as they discover things that we take for granted.
    So, pat yourself on the back for a job well done, know that they will do well and realize that the time you have now is a gift to be cherished! xoxo

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  7. Hi - I think your daughter should be proud of you too. Sounds like you did a good job of being a mum and she will always take that with her.

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  8. Thanks for your lovely comments on the blanket I will have a look into halti for Alfie. Hope your Lily is OK, now? I know what it's like re your daughter. I have a daughter at uni in Bath and a son working and living in London.

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