Sunday, 29 May 2011

Has been AAAAAAGGGGEEEESSSSS!!!

I haven't felt much like blogging lately.  I have been reading others but couldn't get the umph! to do my own.
Lots has happened.  Rose was christened, yep, although good, well fantastic actually, though the service, She cried.  Ha Ha!! Ash - I am only joking!! She is growing up so fast it is scary! 
It was nice to see Great Nan, Nana, Mum and Grand daughter together.

I swapped some wool with http://kiwiyarns.wordpress.com/author/kiwiyarns/ and now planning to make some things that are just for ME!!

Spent some time with my sister in Cornwall, and have been down again since to help her move, hopefully temporarily to a different cottage.

It is my Grandad's Birthday today and I have been trying to finish a small lap blanket for him.


 I have walked with Lily to try to sort out a very muddled head, I have made some bits, got a new job (along side my old one) worked stupid hours a week, but for a very worth while reason which will become apparent in a bit.

I have found photo's of me I guess taken 13 years ago.


We have lost a very special pet, Ned, the children's dog.  When we split it worked out that out of our three dogs, I had Daz the older black lab and Mike had Ned and Smudge.  Ned was very much his dog, wanting to spend time with Mike at work rather then days in a child filled noisy house hold.  It is horrible to see your children break their hearts when a much loved pet dies.  It was such a bitter sweet day as Jose also had the ordeal of taking her driving test unbeknown to us on that day too.  She passed!!!!!
I have spent a stupid amount on some alpaca yarn, well, it is better then chocolate!!



BUT most of all something very special has happened, is going to happen.

I didn't blog about it as I had such mixed feelings, I don't know if Jose will ever understand why.

I had Jose when I was 21.  All I have really know is being a Mum (I never had the high flying career, I wanted to be a home maker, a full time Mum, wife etc)  I have done different jobs to earn a bit of pin money, then as the children grew up we ran a B & B, but always based on being at home for my children.  Then four and a half years ago it changed but my children were always at the root of every decision I made.  The home I chose was one I thought would be suitable for them at the time.

They have grown up so fast into young adults.  Jasper has matured from a nightmare angry confused little boy into a strapping, headstrong, very focused young man, knows what path he wants to take, what he wants to study.

And as for my beautiful daughter........this is where it will become apparent for the muddled head and the new job....
Jose applied for a place at http://www.fashionretailacademy.ac.uk/
Not a mean feat, you might remember we went to London for her interview.

Well she got offered a place, an unconditional place.  Pretty bloody amazing!!!!!

Now this is where I go gulp, she will, at 17 years of age, leave home to start off on her life's journey.  Every thing she has dreamt of being, doing, is now no longer a dream, it is a possibility.  It is going to be amazing.  It will be the making of her.

But............... this is the bit I don't think she will understand.

I know that where I live, where I have brought up my children holds no real interest to a young lady starting off in the world of fashion retail.  I know that the bright lights of London, New York are what captures this lady's heart, where as for her old Mum it is the peacefulness of the coast and the landscapes of the West County that grips mine with passion.

So it is the letting go, getting used to the fact that everything I have been, known is now starting it's next stage.  I will always be there for them, I will always be their Mum.  I will no longer see her everyday, I will worry (blimey it is bad enough since she has passed her test!!)

But life will just be different, for the first year busy as the accommodation is stupid money per week, thankfully her Dad and I are sharing the cost, hence the new job.  Need to have a small nest egg also just in case something happens and she needs help (see something else to worry about!!)

But, my cottage will be peaceful, I'll have to keep it today as there will be no one else to blame!!

I guess it is called the start of the empty nest syndrome!!! Ha Ha!! it isn't that, I am quite looking forward to that, it is the feeling of loss that goes with your children growing up.  You have to remember that due to being on my own it feels a bigger loss as there is no partner to take up that gap.

Mind you, I have Lily and Marmalade, who could want anything more!!!

9 comments:

  1. I guess now is time for you to concentrate on a bit of " you time " to do and explore all the things that take your fancy ! " home " will always be home and I bet she will visit and touch base and re-charge her batteries more than you think she will ! exciting times to look forward to and share !

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  2. tHEY MAY NOT ALWAYS SAY SO BUT HAVING A PLACE TO COME BACK TO, call home, a haven, is so very important when you leave home. By the way excellent job raising a woman confident enough to know that this is the next step. Wonderful mummying.

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  3. Welcome back missy!

    Wow you've been busy. Keep your pecker up old girl, Jose will have the time of her life and you'll be there going along for the ride. Just think of all the things you can do now...the worlds your oyster!(and of course you'll tell us all about it) xxxx

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  4. I'm so glad you've returned Lettie..!
    It was such a lovely surprise to see your post there and I loved reading it. :) Don't worry about Jose leaving for London, You'll loveee having all the peace and quiet! haha

    xxxxx

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  5. Well done to Jose on passing her driving test. She has a big adventure ahead of her and I think you'll be surprised at how quickly you will adjust to her not being there once the initial wrench of parting is over.

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  6. Gulp!!!!!!!
    Great to see you back, you always come back with some bombshell or other!! As a Mother, I am here in your corner - worrying along with you.xxxx

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  7. Firstly congratulations to your daughter for getting her place - that's so great for her, all those opportunities coming, I now get slightly envious of young people having all those chances ahead of them! Like you I never had a career as such, although I was happy in my jobs I really always wanted to be a home-maker as it's called. But being a mum is SO tough because it's just a series of losses really, my boys have given me so much of my identity now and I dread them leaving home, although of course that's what I want for them too. I've struggled a bit at each stage of their independence, when my youngest no longer needed walking to school and back I got very low as it was just a shadow of what was to come! I kind of wish I could stay in this phase of life, we're all independent and doing our own thing in the day, then see each other in the evenings, but at the same time of course I want them to spread their wings and find life out there. I plan to have more cats when they finally leave but I think Monty and Leo may be more than enough cats to cope with! xx

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  8. Just found your blog and love your total honesty and guts. You'll be fine - it's there inbetween every line you write. Two out of three of mine are gone, so I know a little of what you feel.

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  9. Many thanks for your help re my crochet hook.I never thought of looking back at my posts! I managed to enlarge that pic and I think it must be 4.50mm,although the wool does cover the 4 bit. :0)

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