Monday, 15 November 2010

Cleo

This was my lovely cat Cleo last night, all snuggled up with the pups.

 Then before I went to bed he seemed to collapsed on his back legs,  he does do this often, he is 19 and seems to just get up and carry on.  He was sat on my lap, being stroked and brushed.  (he does have a smell about him, I have put this down to age - horrible to say but a rotting smell)  When I placed him on the floor he seemed to have a really hard job breathing, it was heart breaking to watch, when he recovered he chose to hide away from the pups, this in it's self is unusual.  I made him comfortable and he slept.  This morning I hoped, is that wrong, that he would have passed away in his sleep.  When I came down, he came out from where he had slept and just sat and watched me.  Why did I want him to have gone in his sleep?  Because it takes away the decision that I know in my heart is the right one to make, but how do you know it is the right time, how do you know that your animal, who you have loved for so long, has had enough struggling on.  He seemed to rally when the pups came along, he has spent most of the last six weeks in the company of the five pups, through choice, almost seeking out their company.  But his eyes seem to be different, his body is just fur and bones, even the muscles in his back legs are no longer there.

 But I have had him in my life for so long.
When I moved in with the children's Dad I really wanted a pet of my own, Mike had his dog Percy, I kept asking for a kitten, the answer was always no.  The one night, Mike was really drunk (!!!!) and I asked again, this time the answer came, "if you must!!"
 Needless to say I had learnt enough about this man to know to say nothing more in the morning.  He left for work, I had a day off, I headed for the postcards in shop windows and found a litter of kittens.
 I went to see them, two litters, born at the same time from two sisters.  An abundance of kittens ran around this room, all so friendly, not shy in any way....apart from one........who hid behind the washing machine.
And that, being me is the kitten I came home with, Cleo, who was meant to be a little girl, turned out to be a boy, who has been with me all my adult life.  And tonight my friend the vet will come and put him to sleep for me.

18 comments:

  1. What a beautiful, moving post. I have tears rolling down my cheeks because it echoes the situation I've been in many times and I know will be in for many times to come. The sadness you feel is a measure of the enjoyment you have received from sharing your life with Cleo. Thinking of you.

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  2. My heart is aching for you.It is so hard to make that decision,I know,I have been in your position with Bonny our first retriever.Nothing I say can take your pain away.I hope your wonderful memories of Cleo will keep you strong in the weeks to come. X

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  3. How sad, but all of us petowners have been there, it's never easy but we know we must.

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  4. A warm squeeze from here for being brave. I'm sorry you've had to be. xxx

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  5. i kind of understand where you are coming from, we have a cat who is coming up to 15yrs and even some days he still looks like a kitten in the way he does things, then other days he looks so fragile when he struggles to jump up to see me.
    Poor old boy has been knocked down twice but still he is with, he is such a loveable boy.
    When he does depart he will be very much missed.
    We must enjoy their company while we can.
    Take care x

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  6. It is never easy to make the descision, iknow!
    BUT, what mor could you have done for him than give him 19yrs of love and attention?
    Don't beat yourself up about it, greive, cry, yell, and then go on to remember your very dear friend and companion, you DID THE RIGHT THING.

    Hugs to you,

    Sandie xx

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  7. I'm so sorry to hear that you have been forced to make the decision. Every morning I wake up and wonder if today will be the day. As for that smell? That is all too familiar.

    Much sympathy.

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  8. I was wondering why he was called Cleo. I'll be thinking of you today. You know its the kindest thing to do, but it wont stop your heart from breaking. Sending you love. xxxxxxxxxx

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  9. It is out of love for Cleo that you have to make this decision. You ask how do you know it is the right time to make the decision. I think the answer is that if you've made the decision then it's the right time. You already know in your heart that it's the right time, but I do know what you're going through wondering if you're doing the right thing. It's such an upsetting thing to do even though it's for all the right reasons. I hope you were strong, and I'm sure you will have some wonderful memories of Cleo. Sending you hugs.

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  10. How selfless you are. You had to make the hardest decision for you but the best decision for your precious cat. True kindness. Take care I am so sorry for your loss.

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  11. I'm so sorry XXX He has a wonderful happy life you should be proud for giving him such a loving home XX

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  12. So many of us I'm sure do share in your heartbreak as it mirrors our own experience. I too had an aged cat collapse one evening and wished and wished for him to die in the night for exactly the reasons you express - in the morning I then had to take him to the vet, really dreadful to have to make that decision but it was definitely time. I am so, so sorry and send lots of love xxxx

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  13. Remembering my Buster when reading your post, so sad he was exactly the same as your Cleo. same age and everything, he now has his little place in the garden with a little plaque! Lots of love to you Colette, i'm really sorry x x x x

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  14. I'm so sorry...I couldn't answer immediately from my tears...You made right dicission even how difficult it was...you had him so many years! I'm sure he had wonderful life with you and you have lovely memories!
    xxx Teje

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  15. Just remember how much you loved the cat and that you provided a warm and loving atmosphere for him all of these years. You were paid back in spades by this wonderful little fur ball.

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  16. I can only offer words and these will not take the pain away, as time moves on the pain will lose its sharp edges but I know from from my own loses that it never truly goes. Take heart me dear for you are the more richer for having shared your life with this soul.
    John

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  17. I'm so sorry. This must have been truly difficult, but the right decision.

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  18. So sorry I have been away from blog land and only just read this post, I am so so sorry. hugs and love
    lyn
    xxx

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