Tuesday, 28 September 2010


That's me. Thank you for all your kind, encouraging words. I didn't sleep for two nights, my mind racing, the serious lack of self confidence I have in myself had taken over from the excitement of the moment. I know I could do it, deep down, with my eyes shut, but no matter how much I kept telling myself that, I just couldn't shake off the sense of total dread I was feeling. Of being in the public eye, so I left it another day (again a sleepless night, plenty of tears) then e-mailed my friends turning down the offer. They know me so understand.

See at work in the residential home I feel totally different, I feel confident once I walk through the doors, I love it. I have the feeling of 'coming home' went I go to work.

Ok, so I found out something about myself, and maybe given myself the shake up I needed (too personal to blog about xx) So, I shall enjoy Lily and the impending puppies (we are are on the last week count down!!!!) I shall get some UFO's finished (Jasper's jumper was being worn last night and Josie's blanket is getting there - Oh what a shame, I need to buy some more wool........)

And stop worrying!!
But on a much more positive note, my baby is 15 today!!!!!!! (He forgot it was his Birthday so he agreed to play rugby after school - they won hands down!!) I gave him an incubator and an IOU for 10 rare breed chicken eggs (once he has set up the incubator) and his sister, who he ALWAYS professes to dislike, brought him (and their Dad) England V Samoa rugby tickets. How cool is that!! Even he had to smile at that!!


  1. Happy birthday to your Baby!
    I am sure you will feel better about your decision and what ever you do in the future will turn out fine.
    Love and hugs

  2. I completely get how you feel. You have to go with what makes you feel confident in yourself. And I'm sure the people at the residential home are like family and glad you are not leaving.
    Lots of hugs from me as well!

  3. Do let this be the start of building that confidence won't you? I am glad you have made a decision which will save you angst and upset- sometimes it just isn't worth the stress is it? Big love. x

  4. Dont feel bad - if you learned something about yourself then you can tackle it. It would have been too tempting for you also!!! Happy birthday to the 15 year old - they grow up too fast! xxxxx

  5. don't fret, confidence will return and just remember that this lovley blog of yours proves that you have confidence as you share aspects of your life. Many of us Mums lose who we were but look at it as an exciting journey to discover the new you, the one with a different confidence and emerging skills. You gave me a great link last week, I wish I could have found one for you. All the best. Go celebrate your sons birthday :)

  6. You don't have to explain it to us your friends and readers, we're behind you whatever you want to do, no judgements.

    Can't wait for pictures of the puppies!

    I can help you with those chicken eggs in spring if you want frizzle pekins or silkies.

  7. Only you know deep inside what's right for you - a gut feeling, and it's no good going against it, so you have done absolutely the right thing, how awful it must have been before you made the decision, now you can go forward again! My eldest was 15 just recently - it's a funny mixture of mature one minute and not-able-to-function-in-the-real-world the next ! Love the idea of the prospect of chickens for his birthday, mine had an X-box game!! xx

  8. as long as you are happy with your decision thats all that matters. Can't wait to see the new arrivals!


  9. Happy Birthday to your son! He sure is handsome kid. I bet he'll really enjoy the game with his dad. What a nice sister he has!


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