Saturday, 15 May 2010

A Personal Post

This pin cushion was given to me by the lady I talked about in my last post.

Made by her Grandmother for her when she was a young girl. You can see the tiny tiny hand stitches used to join the sides together.

The top takes short pins, and the sides take long / normal pins.

Given (her words) From one Craft woman to another.

I will treasure this forever, it means so so much to me, that as just a carer she chose to make a gift of something so special to me. I am sure that unless you sew/craft the meaning of this gift would be lost on you, you wouldn't understand. I don't mean that how that sounds, but what I am trying to say that when you pass on something so lovingly crafted by someone as a gift to you, you then pass on a bit of you with it. I know I am not really making any sense. I know what I mean.

She died last night.

I was not, am not prepared for how sad I feel deep inside.

This job, I love it. But how do you manage to get a hold of your emotions, manage them. Deal with them. Am I in the right job? This is going to happen more and more to me. I have to know, learn how to compartmentalise emotions. Of course I am in the right job, I couldn't imagine working anywhere else.

It was good though as I had a gig to go to after I finished work. Steve Knightly was my teacher at school. I was a smitten teenager (although Phil Beer is my 'ideal' type of bloke). I was doing Business Communication and Business Studies for my GCSE's. He asked if I would type out their lyrics to this song, I jumped at the chance. I never let on that it took me all night to type them up. What I want to know is I was at school 22 years ago. How come he still looks the same????? (just thought of that) This is their new song. It was really nice to have this to go to, to take my mind off feeling so sad. She died peacefully, it is what she wanted, a welcome release. So why am I sad. I don't really know. Maybe it is times like these that one misses being part of a couple, you know someone to come home to and tell, having someone to give you hug, make you feel safe. Instead tonight I feel very much alone.

Enough of this waffle. It is life and I have to knit this after seeing it done in sock yarn here See, life goes on.
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